How to handle a power struggle
I am a step mother and married for the second time to a really sweet man who has two children. Both of these children have been baiting me for a couple of years in a ‘power struggle’. In the beginning I was to naïve to even comprehend that children do things like this. I soon realised that they both were playing me with the strategy of ‘who’s the boss’.
To my mind I think the both of them are defiant and according to me I believe they are lazy. I realised that they both were working against me to make me look bad each time in front of their dad. It took me a while to realise what was happening. I then took the stance of not confronting them and just letting things ride.
Staying in control is my main objective so I have to stay calm, take a deep breath and wait. In the mean time I would make a statement and say something like ‘Hmm, I see my kitchen cupboards are not wiped off. What is happening?’ Waiting to see the reaction of the children and of course what their dad was going to do.
Needless to say ‘power struggles’ is a way of life in grown-up and children dynamics, the one thing I learned is to pick my battles. The other thing I also learned is they gang up against me and I cannot win. So I need to be more wise then them, when they think they will make me really angry, I laugh at them and walk away, but to be really honest I want to break their little necks. So I pretend it doesn’t matter and give me self-permission to move on.
In the meantime I have had to learn to relax and just ignore them, I won’t get involved with ‘power struggles’. In ignoring the situation and moving on makes them feel inferior not me.
Author: Yvette van Niekerk
Biography: As a Freelance writer I love blogging and writing, I hope to become a well-known name in the world of writers one day.